Feeling judged as a mum?
Last week musician John Legend proved to me that he is a REAL man!!
What did he do?
Did he have a street brawl? – No!
Did he compete in an iron man contest? – No!
What he did was stand up for his partner! Publicly. And told the world “we are a unit” – if you want to criticise my wife, then criticise me equally!.
So what bought this about?
John and Chrissy welcomed their baby daughter into the world in April and were photographed two weeks later looking amazingly happy and enjoying a meal out together – without Luna.
This led to twitter trolls making judgemental comments against Chrissy which questioned her love for their daughter with one woman saying “I never wanted to leave my daughter, I love her, BUT THAT”S JUST ME”.
Yes love – you are right – that is just you. Just you making the choices that are relevant to your family and in the manner that you think is best for your child – but we are all doing that for our children!
John decided to treat his wife to a beautiful night out – for which she might have been immensely grateful for just a little time to herself again.
Is that so wrong?
The most important thing for a new mum is NOT what she is achieving for her baby (and let’s face it, the reality is they are very mundane in their needs and most things can be briefly supplied by other carers). The most important thing IS her mental health – women need support, reassurance, empathy and a little space sometimes to achieve that and should be encouraged to enjoy the opportunity if it is available. Even the NHS recognises these support strategies as treatments that may help to avoid or cope with Postnatal depression.
Unfortunately for John and Chrissy the judgements will have only just begun in their parenting journey, a downside to those that live in the public eye. But I bet many of you reading this will have already been judged on various levels – throughout pregnancy and those early months with a baby.
Ooh, that bump is very small for your dates! – and then the next day – Wow! you are carrying really big aren’t you!
Should you be eating/drinking that whilst pregnant?
Have you chosen a name yet? – “oh, don’t you think that’s a little old fashioned/modern/trendy/boring?
Are you planning a natural birth? Ooh, you must be crazy!! Don’t set your hopes on it!
You’re having a planned section? Haven’t you at least considered “giving it a go?”
Home birthing? Crikey – you’re brave
and then after the baby arrives
Doesn’t he look a little small / big?
You look like you are losing weight a little too quickly / slowly
Should you be eating/drinking that whilst breastfeeding?
etc etc etc………. the list is endless
What comments have you had to endure and do you believe that a mum has to be “full time 24/7” for her baby?
Do you have any great “one liners” that can be used in response to unwarranted criticism or judgements?